My Last Tuesdays with Morrie

I was not sure what I wanted to write about for our last blog; there are so many things to choice from. But then I read the Graduation chapter from Tuesdays with Morrie and that’s when I knew what I wanted to write about: My first hard hit death experience this year. It wasn’t the first time that I had seen someone die and it certainly won’t be the last. But Morrie died the same way my Grammy O did.

I’m getting ahead of myself first let me tell you about this extraordinary woman. She was born with the name Fran then acquired the last name O’Neil. Everybody knew her as the little old lady who lived in the shoe at Story Land. But to those closes to her she was someone you could talk to; someone that if you were feeling down she would be the first person to make you laugh, she would be your best friend.

She had fallen into slipped into a coma a few days before she died. And when she did the whole family took turns sitting in the room with her watching, waiting for something to happen; wishing that we could do anything to ease her suffering. It wasn’t until everyone had stepped out for a moment to discuss a matter of importance that she decided to give in.

 I didn’t know how much it would hurt to drive by the house she lived in and have to stop myself from turning on my blinker to go visit her. I wish I could go back and visit her more, call her more. I learnt the hard way that it’s the moments that we share now that matter not what we are doing at that moment. I learnt, just like Mitch, how easy it is to take someone for granted because nobody lives forever.

Aging, Money, Love

     Before I read the three chapters I jotted down what I thought about the three topics. Looking back at those lists I relize that 'aging' and 'money' didn't matter to me as much as 'love' did. 'Love' means everything to me; it's the way I get through the hard times. By relizing there are people who love me: family, friends, even pets, I am able to move on. I didn't just think about the good points about love I also thought about the bad points. When people you love die or betray you it can hurt more than if someone stabbed you. That heartack can destroy a person or it can make them stronger.
     After I read the love chapter I relized that love didn't have to apply to just being alive. When a person dies they can still live through the people that loved them. By remembering that person, and the memories they share together, the person who is dead can live through those memories. Confusing, I know but it does make sence if you stand back... far back.

Graduation

When I think of graduation I think of my future and that future brings to many feelings: happiness, anxiety, and also a deep feeling of sadness. I’m happy that I will be able to start a new chapter in my life; but I don’t want to leave my old one yet. I don’t want to give up the internship that I started. I don’t want to not see the children’s faces every day. Or miss the friends that I have now. I know I’ll meet new people but I love the people who I know now. Even though I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life, I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up everything that I have right now, but for now I’ll just survive graduation.

Tuesdays with Morrie 5/10

"Learn how to die, and you learn how to live." Most people who read this sentence don't understand what it means. I don't want to say I know what it means, because a statement like this has many different meanings. The version that I see is: once someone actually starts to die they see the world differently. We, as humans, go through life fretting about the wrong things. We get angry when we get a stain on our clothes or get into fights because someone stopped us from doing something stupid. Because we are so involved in our problems we don't notice when someone opens the door for us or how beautiful the flowers look. When someone is dying they realize how useless it is to fret about the problems and start to notice the little insignificant things they didn't notice before. That's my version of the statement:"learn how to die, and you learn how to live". What's your?

Tuesdays with Morrie 5/8

Morrie talked about his death. I started to think about my own death. Who would miss me when I'm gone? Was there anything I would miss? Regret? My head started to spin with these thoughts. But then I thought about the people who I knew that had died. All the people that had been a part of that person's life had memories that would stay with them. So, if I think back through all the memories I have and who I have shared those memories with, I know that there will be a few people who cry at my funeral and keep me in their memories. Thinking of what I would miss was a tough one. It's not as simple as what would you give up, but what wouldn't you want to give up? And I decided I wouldn't give up anything. I'd miss being able to talk to my mom, to smell the flower, and to feel the sun on my skin. I'd even miss the fights my brother and I get into. And that line brought me to what I would regret. I wouldn't regret anything I had done up to this point in my life, because of them I am...me. What I would regret is not strengthening the bond with my brother or seeing what I could do with my life. Its at this point that I'd stop thinking about death and start living so I can get rid of my regrets and live while I can.

Passionate

         “What are you passionate about?” Most people think about their favorite T.V. show or something sentimental like their first baseball glove. I on the other hand ask myself what is something I can’t live without; something that no matter what happened I would be willing to fight for.

        What I came up with was: the people in my life. My family and my friends. My family has always been there for me, through my highs and my lows. If they ever needed me to be somewhere I have no doubt that I would drop whatever I was/am doing and go help.

       That also goes for my friend; if they needed me I would drop whatever I was doing to go help them. The difference between my family and my friends is that I can tell my friends the problems that I wouldn’t be able to talk about with my parents. They are also there for me when my family can’t be. Whenever I have a problem in school my friends are always there to help me get through it. That is why I am so passionate about my family and friends because no matter what happens they will always be there to help me through the tough times.

Future Career

When I am thirty three years old I see myself starting to live my life. I have a stable job as a teacher in the North Country, with my master’s degree and for the past three years I have dedicated my life to teaching. But now I am looking to start a family, hopefully I am already in a relationship, but you never know.

My days will be spent teaching, hanging out with my friends and family, and living life to the fullest. That may entitle taking random days off to go camping with my family or just sitting down in my spare time to read a book. I throw some grand get-togethers and come up with any excuse just to host a party. I love seeing people smiling and it makes me feel amazing to know that I created that smile. I will throw parties for my elementary students and their parents as a way to get the parents involved with their learning. 

 I may even pull out the old school yearbooks to show my students how different school was. Reminding them to take care of their bodies because my biggest regret was having to quit sports because I didn’t take better care of mine. But for now I’ll just keep pushing the kids towards their futures and watch as the next generation grows up. I don’t know what the future will hold for me or if I’ll still care about my future job as much as I do now. But one thing that will never change is the fact that I will keep living life to the fullest. No matter what, or who, crosses my path I will always be pushing forward.